


I DON'T CARE

by thequadraticformula



Series: I DON'T CARE [1]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Fate, Idols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 23:10:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21005705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequadraticformula/pseuds/thequadraticformula
Summary: What happens when your heart pulls you in one direction while fate tugs you in another?SOULMATE AUI don't own this AU. I take zero credit for the idea.





	1. Lie

**Author's Note:**

> This work is crossposted on Wattpad and Asianfanfics under the user 'thequadraticformula'.  
DO NOT REPOST THIS WORK.

We spent our lives learning about colours. This was red. That was green. Those are blue. This thing is yellow. The only problem is that we couldn't see them.

From a very young age we were told the colours would appear when we met the person, we were meant to spend the rest of our lives with. Our soulmate. A very broad concept that even now I have little understanding of.

When they touched, even just a slight brush of the hand, soulmates would suddenly be able to see these colours. We were told by those who found the one for them that these colours were beautiful. That there was nothing like them, and once you saw the colours, you knew that person was meant to be with you.

There were so many unanswered questions. How does something like this even happen? Does everyone have a soulmate? What if you have two soulmates? What if your soulmate is across the globe; on the other side of the world? Would you even meet them? And if you did, what if they couldn't speak your language? My questions were always dismissed as pointless thinking, but every single one of these questions plagues my mind.

This idea of soulmates was sacred to most. Many relationships between people were strictly platonic unless colours were involved. They remained in the confines of the black and white world as we called it.

The friends I grew up with at school all remained single. Faithful to someone that had never even met. But I couldn't do that. How was I supposed to know who the one for me was by sitting around and refusing any opportunity that came my way?

Yeah. I slept around with those who were willing. Guys and girls, none of which have given me any notion of a colour. My friends called me stupid and shallow. I called myself smart. I was searching, while they remained lonely and bored.

I'd let this go on for too long. I was starting to see why people wanted to save themselves for their soulmate. Every night I was with someone, I would feel this empty tugging sensation in my stomach. Something was always missing. Something was never right. I had wasted years and years dating on and off. Experimenting. Taking risks.

It was only when I was 25 that something, someone, disrupted this cycle of loneliness.

I was on my way home from the dance studio after teaching a class. I had to stay back later than usual to give one of the kid's extra help. He was starting to get picked on by the others in his dance troupe as he was lagging behind in the choreography. I couldn't just stand by and let him get dragged behind like that. I knew what it was like to be bullied and ridiculed and rejected.

I pulled up my hood to block out the night air as I approached a set of lights before a pedestrian crossing. I knew that I was going to miss my usual bus back to my apartment, so I was taking my time. The next bus would only arrive in 20 minutes.

The lights flashed in huge letters 'STOP' with a standing image of a man next to it and the cars rushed by in a blur. I was starting to wonder if I should just sit in the Starbucks across the road and wait or if I should brave the cold for a few more minutes once I had reached the bus stop when there was a yell from behind me.

"YOU FUCKER! GIVE IT BACK!" Before I could even turn to see what was going on, something big bashed into my side causing me to fall harshly to the pavement. A dull ache ran through my arm as it hit the ground. I looked up to see a bicycle speeding across the road that still had the word 'stop' flashing big and bold. They weaved through the cars and disappeared around a corner into an alleyway.

"SHIT!" The same person who had yelled before swore and ran forward to the curb of the road in fury. Her hair was a mess and her coat was falling off her shoulders. "YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!" She cried, her voice cracking and breaking in anger. I wanted to laugh at her from my place on the ground. What a weird thing to say. She then turned to face me.

My first thought before she spoke was that she was very beautiful.

"Are you ok?" She asked and held out her hands. My second thought was that she must be furious. I could see the highlights on her cheeks that suggested angry tears and her brows were creased in the middle in frustration. I nodded slowly before accepting her hand.

She pulled me to my feet.

"What was going on?" I asked as she let go slowly. I brushed off my hands on my jeans and checked my arm was ok as I waited for her to answer, but she didn't for a long while.

All of a sudden, she took my hand again. "Eh?" I exclaimed. I glanced at her only to see her look around her in wonder while clutching tightly to me. Her face was bright with a smile so wide that her eyes almost disappeared and little crinkles appeared beneath them.

"Do you see that?" She whispered as if any loud sounds may ruin the moment. The wonder and awe in her voice was tangible. My heart did a tumble turn before seeming to settle at an unnaturally slow rhythm. I felt light headed.

I looked around, and I knew then that she was seeing the colours... but I could not.

I pulled my face into a huge grin and nodded. "Yes." I said simply, and that's where my lie began.


	2. What colour are your eyes?

"GUYS MOMO'S TIED THE KNOT!" Nayeon wailed as she took a swig from her beer. Jeongyeon face palmed and Jihyo started to laugh when others in the bar started to stare us down. I huffed.

"Fuck you. We just met yesterday."

I thought that if I was lying, why not take it all the way? I told my three best friends about how I met my soulmate after getting hit by a bike and Nayeon thought it was hilarious. It actually was kind of funny when you thought about it... but then I would remember my lie.

After meeting the girl, I came to know as Kim Dahyun, we exchanged numbers. I could remember her face so clearly. She burst into tears almost immediately after I had told her I could see what she could see.

"I can't believe this!" She brought her hands to her head and jumped up and down slightly. "This is so weird...this is so weird." Then in the midst of her cute little freak out her face suddenly fell. "Fuck. My wallet is getting away." She turned to where the guy on the bike had passed me across the street. There was no way we could go after him now. She sighed and her face was bright again. "I suppose this is fate though... right?"

At the time I didn't know how to respond to her. I vaguely remember myself stumbling over my words as I pulled out my pay from that afternoon to give to her for a ride home. The word fate kept circling in my head. Was it really fate that this girl and I met?

She bowed many times before shyly taking the money from my hands and shoving it into her coat pocket, zipping it up so that it couldn't be stolen like her wallet had been. It was awkward as hell as she pulled out her phone and began to speak.

"You know maybe..." She swallowed in the middle of her sentence and my heart clenched. She was so nervous. "Maybe we should exchange numbers... get to know each other better."

I felt like crying because that was the first time that anyone had asked to get to know me. I also wanted to cry because I was lying to such a sweet innocent girl.

"Yeah." I mumbled, only able to look at her feet. She was wearing sneakers that looked like they were supposed to be white... I think. They seemed scruffy with holes around the ankles and her right foot had an open end so that I could see her toes wriggling in a dark sock. They must be her favourite shoes. I looked up to see her face which was still beaming. I accepted her phone and began to add my number to her contacts. "Maybe we could go out for coffee some time?" I said quietly. I typed my name and handed back the phone gingerly. My heart was still beating slowly.

Her fingers brushed my hand as I gave it back to her and she gasped, almost dropping the phone.

"Haha. Sorry." She brushed a strand of dark hair out of her eyes. "Not used to seeing those colours." She looked at me funny for a moment, before reading my name out loud. "Hirai Momo?"

Fuck. She knows who I am.

"From that TV show Sixteen? WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T RECOGNISE YOU!" She squealed. I waited for the pity line, but it never came. "What do you do now?" She asked simply. Her eyes were sparkling in the lights of the city. A thousand little stars within them. I suddenly came to the realisation that I had most definitely missed my bus and that I was still standing at the edge of the crossing, but I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't really... care. I just wanted to know what colour those eyes were.

Nayeon wined at me before laughing manically. "MOMO'S SEEING COLOURSSSSSS!"

"Please shut your girlfriend up." Jihyo told Jeongyeon who was sitting to my other side at the bar counter. Jeongyeon sighed, looked at her wrist watch and got up from her seat.

"Fucking hate being the designated driver." She muttered under her breath before lugging her soulmate up under her arms. "Time to go Nayeonie." She said sweetly before glaring at Jihyo and I. "If you guys aren't in the car by 2am sharp, I'm leaving you here."

"Point taken." Jihyo nodded as Jeongyeon attempted to carry a very drunk Nayeon out of the bar. I looked at my phone. It was a quarter to 2 now. I hadn't slept since I'd met Kim Dahyun.

"So, after all your searching," She raised her fingers in inverted commas. "You've finally found the one for you huh?" Jihyo nudged me and downed the last of her drink. My head was beginning to hurt.

"Yeah." I said.

"Is she hot?" She encouraged.

"I dunno."

"Do you even hear what I'm saying to you?"

"Yes."

"You're no fun when you're drunk." She tapped on my shoulder to indicate that she was going to head to the car.

Just as she left, a message buzzed my phone. It was from Dahyun.

"Hi Momo. Are you free tomorrow?" it read. The truth was that I wasn't. But I wasn't telling the truth about anything. I could cancel my dance class just this once.

"Sure." I replied.


	3. The girl

Every night with Dahyun was so different to what I had experienced while searching for my soulmate. I don't remember when it started, all I know is that I'm addicted to her saying my name over and over and over.

I had been with Dahyun, officially dating for over three months, which was a real milestone for someone like me. I had never stuck with someone longer than two weeks before I met her. I guess there was just something special that she had that I could never find in anyone else.

The first time we had sex must have been the at the start of our second month, which was also a huge change to the way I dated. Previously I would have jumped straight into the sex and leave... but I never felt the need to do that with Dahyun. I don't remember much about our first time at all. All I know is that it was different. I wasn't looking for the colours. I wasn't waiting to feel anything. I didn't just want to feel good and go home.

I wanted to love her.

I remember this overwhelming feeling of affection for her as she called my name louder and louder.

"FUCK, MOMO!" She panted and dug her fingernails into my shoulders. "MOMO! AHH! MOMO!"

As she calmed down, I remember feeling hot and embarrassed at what I had just done to her. I rubbed circles on her bare back, and she began to laugh. She pulled back to look into my eyes. She was so beautiful... Her eyes disappeared behind the smile I had begun to adore.

"Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of brown I have ever seen." Dahyun said to me softly. I think I cried then, and Dahyun held me until I drifted off to sleep.

I cried because I was still lying to her. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see the colours.

Dahyun went to university on Mondays to Fridays and it had become routine that I would walk her to the train station and kiss her goodbye every morning and wait for her to return late in the afternoon to walk her back to her apartment. I don't remember when this started either. Everything with Dahyun seemed to be a blur of happy, warm fuzzy memories that I wished that I could restore and play back to myself.

We were walking one day in summer, hand in hand. Her hands were so small and warm and as we approached the crossing right before the station, she squeezed mine and pointed to the electronic billboard on a building across the road.

"Have we ever walked holding hands here before?" She asked, her voice laced with awe. "It's just a billboard... but it's so beautiful."

A lump formed in my throat and I shivered despite the heat as I replied: "No. I don't think we have. And yes. It's really pretty."

"Have I ever told you..." She said suddenly, laughing nervously and she took my other hand in hers. Though I loved the feeling of her hands in mine and the closeness of our bodies and I really wanted to hear what she had to say, I found my eyes drawn to a girl walking with a large light shaded suitcase, her hair tied in a messy bun and her face full of worry. Her large eyes searched the faces of moving people who gave her no attention before unexpectedly locking her eyes with mine. I looked away immediately, shivering again and suddenly wishing I had not put on a singlet top. There was something about her gaze.

Dahyun glanced over to where I was looking before continuing. "I know this is weird and kinda sudden and ... I don't know how to say this." She took a deep breath. She was so cute when she was nervous. "I... Momo... I lo –"

"Excuse me..." Someone tapped my bare shoulder from behind and my vision reeled. All at once I could see the reds of the car lights. The greens of the trees and the blues of the sky. It was all so bright and intense, and it was all over in an instant as the person behind me lifted their hand from my shoulder.

It was difficult, but I forced myself to maintain my composure and turned to see the girl that I had made awkward eye contact with before, clasping her hands together in surprise. She'd seen the colours too.

I gave a look to the girl and she seemed to understand. With a sidelong gaze at Dahyun, she immediately composed herself and began to speak like nothing had happened.

"Sorry." She said, her Korean strained. I guessed she was Japanese. I wondered what she was doing here all alone. "Can you speak Japanese?" She asked, true to my prediction. I nodded at her and glanced at Dahyun who signalled for me to continue.

"I'm so sorry." The girl continued immediately in Japanese and bowed. "I was just wondering if you could point me in the direction of the JYP Entertainment building. I'm here for an audition."

My stomach swirled with nerves and my mind flooded with dark memories at her words.

"Yes." I said hesitantly. "Just one moment and I'll show you." I turned back to Dahyun who looked confused and worried about what we had just said.

"What did she say?" She whispered, eyeing the Japanese girl who was waiting patiently. I kissed Dahyun on the nose which made her giggle and spread a warm feeling inside me. Then I started to feel sick when I remembered who was standing behind me.

"I'm just gonna show her to the JYP building. I'll have to drop you off here."

Dahyun glanced at the girl again before kissing me on the cheek and turning away.

Once she was out of sight, the girl spoke again.

"You saw it too, right?" I couldn't look at her as tears came to my eyes. I continued to stare at where Dahyun had disappeared into the crowd.

I just nodded.


	4. Myoui Mina

We held hands as we walked down the street and a guilty feeling began to eat at my heart. The girl looked at the world around her in colour, a look of wonder on her face, but I didn't want to see it. I couldn't see a colour without feeling sick.

"So," I began, forcing myself to remain calm. "You wanna be a K-pop idol?" I couldn't help but stare at her as she nodded, her chocolate brown hair bouncing slightly on her forehead. She's so hot... I looked down at her chest and a knot formed in my stomach. Fuck. I couldn't be thinking like this. I had a girlfriend.

But she was my soulmate.

I turned my head away from her and breathed deeply, allowing myself to admire the bright green of the trees as they swayed in the warm orange glow of the sun.

"I've wanted to be an idol for a long time and Korea just seemed like the right place to do it." God her voice was so sweet and sexy. Heat rose to my cheeks as she continued. "You get to travel the world and learn a new language and I heard the training was excellent here. Especially at JYP."

The building was right up ahead, the very presence of it threatening me with bad memories.

"I wouldn't do it if I was you." I mumbled. "All that happens in there is rejection. Especially with your level of Korean. You'll be trampled on by the other trainees." She stopped walking which jerked me to a halt. I had no choice but to look at her.

The tears that I expected were there, but there was something else behind those big brown eyes. Fire.

"You're Hirai Momo." She said, never breaking eye contact or letting go of my hand. "Aren't you." Her commanding voice was in complete contrast to how she had spoken to me before.

I didn't know what to say.

"I watched Sixteen and you inspired me." She lifted her spare hand to wipe the tears that fell down her cheeks. "I threw away everything to do this because YOU inspired me to. Because that's what YOU did." My heart felt hollow. I wanted to hug Dahyun. I missed her already.

She tapped my chest with her index finger, letting go of my hand and the world folded back into a state of black and white. Her body became so close to mine. So close that I could predict when the next tear would drip from her eyelids. So close that I could count the individual moles on her face. I didn't even know this girl... what was she doing to me?

I felt her cool breath hit my face as she said: "My name's Myoui Mina. You'll know my name soon enough, and it won't be because of failure."

Her lips met mine in a slow rhythmic kiss. I did not know Myoui Mina, but this felt so right. I had a girlfriend, but this felt so right. I kept my eyes open to watch her face. The colour was back, and her cheeks had a pink tinge. Her hands were in my hair. I touched the skin that was just beneath her shirt. Her skin was soft, and her muscles were hard. Her body shivered.

We only pulled away from each other when we ran out of air.

"I don't even know you..." I began but Mina's finger met my lips. Then she began to walk away, leaving me hot, embarrassed and in the hell of black and white.

"I'll show you Hirai." She said as she walked into JYP.

"I fucked up, Jihyo." I paced around my room, my stomach churning and tears streaming down my face. "I've fucked up big time."

"Calm down and talk me through it." Jihyo's voice on the other end of the phone was soothing, but I still felt like throwing up.

"I've been lying to you all." I cried. "I've been lying to Dahyun. And now I've done something really bad."


	5. I'm a Quitter

I tried to forget Myoui Mina, but it was impossible. It was many weeks before I ever saw her again, but in the meantime, all I could do was think about her.

Jihyo's conversation with me over the phone kept replaying in my head.

"No matter who's your soulmate, it is not right to treat Dahyun like how you are. You need to make a choice Momo."

It just made my head ache.

"Hey Momoring..." Dahyun asked as she was curled in my arms. We were supposed to be watching a Japanese movie that I had recommended her, but I guess I had been distracted. I looked up to see the credits rolling without remembering any of the movie playing. "You seem really out of it these days. You don't talk to me anymore."

The now familiar feeling of raging guilt surged up from my stomach, and I felt like vomiting. All this time I had been thinking about someone else. All this time with Dahyun was a lie.

I hated myself.

I hated soulmates.

I hated Myoui Mina.

"Sorry Dahyun." I said to her as I kissed her forehead. "I'm just tired." I picked up the remote and turned the TV to a random channel in the hopes to distract myself from the impending thoughts of Mina. It was an idol TV show which brought back a rush of memories from all those years ago.

"Do you want to change it?" Dahyun asked me softly, knowing full well what these shows reminded me of. She slowly took the remote from my hand and was just about to change to something different when a sudden urgency came over me.

"WAIT NOT YET!" I yelled. Dahyun jumped in surprise. I don't know what made me do it, but I sat up suddenly and focused my full attention on the show.

It looked as if a female idol group was being created and it must have been one of the final episodes as they were ranking the girls for a live audience.

"First place is..." The host began and there was a long silence before the camera focused on a girl lined up on stage and the crowd went wild. "MYOUI MINA-SSI! CONGRATULATIONS!"

I felt angry as I looked at the face of my soulmate behind the screen. I felt angry and small.

"Wow." Dahyun whistled. "She's pretty." I shushed her as Mina began to make her acceptance speech.

She spoke in Korean. She must have been practicing really hard.

"I want to thank all the trainees who didn't get to debut today because they all worked so hard. I want to thank all the mentors and the viewers for giving me positive feedback and for ranking me as first place. But most of all," Her eyes were looking directly into the camera. Her eyes were looking directly into mine.

"Most of all, I want to thank Hirai Momo." Dahyun gasped beside me.

"What the fuck?" She was just as confused as the murmuring crowd.

"Shut up." I told her and continued to listen to what Mina had to say.

"Hirai-ssi doesn't know me, but I watched her on her TV show Sixteen back in 2015. Six years ago, at my home in Japan. I was so inspired that a Japanese girl would travel to Korea at such a young age, learn a new language and abandon her family just to pursue her dream. When she was eliminated, I was devastated. She was so talented and hardworking and everything she had worked for up until that moment was discarded in an instant. Unfortunately, she has given up. I've met her once and she's not following her dreams anymore. She let one failure control her whole life. I looked up to her so much, but she'd given up."

I felt so small.

"So, I wanted to prove to her that she's wrong when she says you should just give up. This journey isn't about rejection. Sure, I got rejected many a time on this show. I got hurt a lot and was disrespected by comments on the internet and by some people in this very room. But everything hateful, everything mean, and every rejection gave me strength." She wasn't talking for the show anymore. She was talking to me. She knew I was watching.

"Look at me now Hirai Momo." She said this in Japanese and I burst into tears.

Dahyun switched the TV off immediately and took me in her arms. I felt like my life was falling apart and I didn't know what to do.

"I'm such a dipshit." I murmured into her shoulder. "I'm a failure and a horrible, horrible person." She stroked my hair.

"You aren't."

"I just gave up. I didn't even wait to train some more and improve. I quit."

"Everybody quits once in a while."

"I haven't gone back to Japan in six years because I'm afraid to face my family."

"Momo, listen to me right now." She took my face in her hands and her thumbs wiped away my tears. Her eyes were squinted with worry and her brows were posed in such a way as to make her forehead wrinkled. "I don't care."

And that's all she needed to say to make me feel better.


	6. Don't mess with fate.

Mina stood in front of me. I had just kissed Dahyun goodbye as she boarded her train. It reminded me of the first time we had met almost a month earlier. It also surprised me that nobody recognised her since she was all over the news with her upcoming debut in the new girl group.

We both ran towards each other simultaneously as if pulled by an invisible rope. Our arms flung around the other's neck and our foreheads pressed together. It had been so long since we had seen the colours. I looked around and my eyes lay on the billboard that Dahyun had pointed out so many weeks ago. My stomach churned before being replaced by a knot as Mina kissed my neck slowly.

"Do you know who I am, Hirai?" She asked seductively in Japanese. She ran her fingers slowly down my back before resting just above my waistline. I couldn't speak.

Before I knew it, I had taken Mina home to my apartment. Before I could think, my clothes were on the floor and I was trapped between her body and my bed. I only realised what I had gotten myself into when I heard my voice call her name.

"Mina..." I felt like I couldn't breathe. "Fuck. Shit. Oh God."

I could see the red on her cheeks. I could see the red of the scratches I had given her down her back. I could see the red of her lipstick. Then I looked to my bedside table and saw my framed selfie of Dahyun and I.

She was wearing that oversized sweater that I loved the smell of, and her arms were wrapped around me. Her sweater was blue. Her eyes were disappearing in that smile I loved, but for the first time, I could see what colour they were. A plain dark brown. The most beautiful plain dark brown I had ever seen.

I began to push Mina away.

"Stop... M-Mina." I rasped. She ignored me, kissing my neck again and again. "Mina... ahhh." I tried to make out coherent words through waves of pleasure. "We barely know each other." I managed.

She pulled away slowly, her eyes confused. "I don't know how old you are. I don't know what part of Japan you come from. I don't know if you have any siblings. I don't know a thing about you."

Mina's expression returned to deadpan and her fingers caressed my stomach. "I have a girlfriend." I reasoned. "This isn't right."

She sighed.

"Who are you to say that this isn't right?" Her beautiful voice rang in my ears. I felt small pinned beneath her. "This is fate. We're soulmates." She moved her hands lower and I shuddered. "We don't need to know each other."

"I have a girlfriend." I repeated. She shrugged and removed her hand from between my legs.

"You don't seem to give a damn." She poked my chest. Hard. "What are you doing to her huh? You're just playing with her heart. What are you doing with your life now Hirai?" She shoved me harder into the bed, causing me to wince.

"Nothing's right for you is it? You didn't think idol life was right for you, so you gave up." She put a finger near my face. "You don't think soulmates applies to you, so you play with people's hearts and hurt the one you're meant to be with." I looked up to see tears tracing their way down her cheeks before she leaned over and moved her mouth to my ear. "Who the fuck do you think you are. You can't control fate. All you're doing is hurting yourself, me and your so called 'girlfriend'."

A sob escaped my lips as I looked at the framed picture on my bedside once more. Dahyun's smile was the most precious thing in the world to me. I wished I could see it right now.

Mina got off me, which made me feel relieved, and began to dress herself. I couldn't pluck up the courage to follow suit. She smirked as I was unable to stop myself from staring as she re-hooked her bra and pulled on her underwear.

This is when the revelation came. This. This thing that I shared with Mina, someone who I had only known for less than two days, was just like every one-night-stand I had spent during my teen years. No matter how many colours there were when we touched, that feeling of emptiness was still looming over me. Something was still missing.

"I don't want to do this again." I said to her as she gathered her things and began to leave. She laughed lightly.

"You'll be back." She whispered. "Don't mess with fate, Hirai."


	7. Truth

I was waiting to pick up Dahyun from the station that afternoon, the black and white of the world seeming to close in on me as the light faded and the street lamps started to switch on. Though I felt suffocated by the lack of colours, I also had a feeling of resolve. I had decided to come clean to Dahyun. I couldn't keep up this lie any longer. I loved her too much for that. But when Dahyun didn't show up at the right time, I began to worry.

Her train always came at 6pm every day. She always took the same train, so there couldn't be a different time... could there? I checked the billboards at the entrance of the station. There were no recorded delays. She should be here. I was just about to call Jihyo when me phone rang. I saw the number was Jihyo's and I answered.

Before I could say anything, Jihyo's booming voice blasted out of the speaker.

"YOU BETTER EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK THOSE PICTURES ARE ONLINE." She yelled and hung up instantly.

My blood ran cold as I immediately searched up my own name online. The headlines were buzzing.

MYOUI MINA OF NEW GIRLGROUP TWICE IS SOULMATES WITH HIRAI MOMO, EX JYP TRAINEE?

HIRAI MOMO GETS UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH TWICE'S HIGHEST RANKING MEMBER.

PAPARAZZI SPOTS TWICE MEMBER CAUSING TROUBLE WITH A FORMER JYP TRAINEE ONLY TWO WEEKS PRIOR TO DEBUT.

The articles were littered with crude, blurry images of my hand in Mina's. Her lips on mine. A censored image through the window of my apartment. How could this happen so quickly?

This was bad. My knees felt weak as I realised that it made perfect sense that Dahyun didn't meet with me at the right time. She probably didn't ever want to see me again. I hurt her so much. I traded her, the most precious, most beautiful person in my life, just to see a few colours.

I knew in this same moment of regret that I could be blind and love Kim Dahyun. I could lose my hearing and love her. I could lose all the feeling in my body and love that girl. I didn't care about fate. I didn't give two shits about Myoui. I couldn't believe it have taken me this long to realise what I felt. It took half a year of dating her and sex with a K-pop idol that I barely knew to realise that I loved Dahyun. That wasn't fair on her.

I began to walk toward Dahyun's apartment and rang Jihyo who picked up straightaway.

"Well?" She encouraged.

"Is she with you?" I asked simply. I heard a subtle "Hang up." In the background which I knew was Dahyun's voice. I didn't let Jihyo answer. I ignored the 'STOP' on the crossing ahead and walked across the road, barely dodging the cars. "I'm coming Dubu. I need to talk to you about this."

"You better talk to her, you bitch." Jihyo growled. "You've broken her heart. I hope you realise that. And you've also ripped your and Mina's dignity to shreds."

My legs burned as I quickened my pace.

"I know." I mumbled and Jihyo hug up on me for the second time that day.

I started to run. I knew that I had to get to work again for an evening class at the studio, but I didn't care. I knew I was still running in front of several cars, risking my own life, but I didn't care. I had to fix this. I needed Dahyun.

When I reached her door, I hesitated to knock.

Maybe I should just leave. She probably doesn't want to talk. She probably hates me. I would hate me. Maybe I should just find Mina and live my life with her like I'm supposed to. Maybe I should just...

Mina's voice suddenly rang in my skull. What are you doing with your life right now Hirai? And I knew right then and there that I would never give up when things got hard again. I would not give in to fate.

I knocked.

Dahyun answered.

Her eyes looked droopy, un-fallen tears swimming beneath her dark irises. Her mouth was scrunched up to the side of her face as if she was forcing herself not to cry. She sniffled before stepping to the side silently to let me through. I obliged and she closed the door softly behind me.

I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking so I clutched them together.

"Jihyo just left." Dahyun murmured. Her voice was croaky and shaky, and it broke my heart. "I suppose you've come to justify yourself?" She walked solely into her living room and sat on the tiny couch that we had watched so many movies together on. I took another deep breath.

"There's nothing I can justify. What I did was wrong." I said. Dahyun bobbed her head as tears slowly started to trace their way down her nose.

"So why did you do it?"

Here goes nothing.

"I'm not your soulmate, Dahyun."


	8. Don't mess with fate. REPRISE

"I know." She answered. My blood ran cold.

"You knew?" My hands shook as she nodded and looked up at me with the saddest smile.

"You lied from the beginning. You're so obvious when you lie, idiot." She laughed and the sound was so strange. I had never heard anything like it before. It was like a confusion of the senses. My ears were hearing the laugh, and though I knew that it was supposed to be a happy sound, I could only hear grief.

"Is Myoui Mina your soulmate?" She wiped her eyes, the smile never leaving her features. "I saw all the pictures. You're very stupid Momoring. You know that messing around with an idol will get you into trouble."

"I don't –" She cut me off.

"I don't care." She said. Her smile disappeared in an instant as her eyes closed and two perfect tears squeezed out.

The funny thing is, I was going to say the same thing.

I don't care, Dahyun. I don't care about Myoui. I don't care whether she's my soulmate or not. I only want you to forgive me.

I wished I could just go back in time and ignore Mina just like the rest of those people at the train station that day. Then she may not have come up to me and touch me and I might have never seen the colours and that would have been the end of it.

After a long silence in which Dahyun collected herself she spoke again.

"I love you so much, Momo." She looked into my eyes. "I really don't think that soulmates has anything to do with what I feel for you. I don't care if I lost my sight. I would still want to be with you. The colours, to me, are just a bonus. Obviously, it works differently for you."

Tears sprung to my eyes.

"No, Dahyunie." She shook her head.

"Don't 'Dahyunie' me." She sighed and got up from the couch. I took her hand as she went to walk past me, and she stopped.

"Mina doesn't mean a thing to me." I could hear my voice start to break. "How you feel about me... I feel the same about you. It just took me longer to see it. You're my soulmate. I believe it in my heart."

She shook her head and smiled again. That horribly sad smile.

"You can't mess with fate, Momo. You're meant to be with her." I began to sob at her words.

"Dahyun! But y-you're meant to b-be with m-me!" I cried. I took her other hand in mine. "You see those colours when we touch. Y-you're my soulmate. I l-love you! I LOVE YOU!"

"I love you too." She said and she removed her hands from mine. "But maybe I'm getting my feelings confused with friendship." I brought my hands to my mouth.

"No." I whispered.

"It's ok." She looked into my eyes. Her tears were gone, and a realisation seemed to settle into her features. "I get it now. I'm just meant to be there for you as a friend. I don't want to step in between what you and Mina have."

I was so angry at myself.

"DON'T YOU GET IT DAHYUN?" I screamed, my throat aching from crying and yelling. "I REGRET WHAT I DID. IT WAS WRONG. MINA DOESN'T MATTER!

I LOVE YOU!"

She smiled. This time it was genuine.

"I love you too. You're the best friend that I could ask for." My knees collapsed beneath me.

"Don't mess with fate Momoring. Even if I let you be with me, you'll always end up coming back to her."


	9. I love you

I lay in Mina's bed. She was asleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I could never sleep until my tears calmed down.

Over the past three years, I had learned a lot about Mina. She was 24 when we met. She grew up in Kobe but was born in Texas. She had been a ballerina. She had an older brother. Her voice when she sang was like the feel of silk. Her body was beautiful and perfect. Her lips were soft. She made me feel good. The colours were so bright.

Twice had become the most popular girl group in Korea. She was amazing on stage. She worked so hard.

And every night she told me so.

"I still haven't given up yet. Have I?" She would say as she roamed her hands over my breasts.

"Look where I am. You could have done so much." She would say as her kisses moved across my collarbone.

"Don't you be thinking about Dahyun while I'm fucking you, bitch." She would say as I began to squirm in pleasure under her touch.

"You're a quitter, Hirai." She would say when I began to cry.

"You're a liar."

"You're pathetic."

"You're a horrible person."

"You don't care about anything."

And slowly, Mina's words became my thoughts. Because they were true.

I quit on my dreams.

I lied to my friends.

I gave up on love.

I hurt people.

I surrendered to fate.

I was pathetic.

I didn't care.

"I love you, Momo." I heard Mina say in her sleep.


End file.
